When "Focusing on Jesus" Causes Us to Miss Him Completely

Welcome to Season 3, friends! Thanks for tuning in. 

Our gaze should always be toward Jesus, but we must ask ourselves what version of Jesus are we trying to focus on? Are we worshipping the fullness of who He is, or are we trying to push attention towards a comfortable version of Him while ignoring the very brokenness He was sent to restore in the world? This is what we'll be diving into in today's episode.

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Transcript

Gabrielle Leonard: 0:00

Welcome to the return to joy podcast. I'm your host, Gabrielle Michel Leonard. Here, we're leading people to cultivate joy through storytelling. We hope listening will reveal pathways to unlocking the healing power of connection, so that you can see your relationships and the world around you transformed from fractured into flourishing. So I've had a complex relationship with the phrase or language, just focus on Jesus. And that may be very surprising to some of you guys that are listening right now. And that's okay, stick with me. Because I, I think that if you listen through this episode one, you'll notice that I am not communicating that there's any issue with just focusing on Jesus. But more. So some of the issues in regards to how that phrase has been wielded in some of the environments that I've been in. And so I in this episode, I really want to one just vulnerably share, um, you know, how I do and Gabrielle fashion, I got some storytelling for you. And so I want to share a story that I think will paint a picture as to what was happening in my heart. And so when I want you to recognize that part of this episode is me vulnerably sharing, some processing and some recipe and some wrestling. And then also do like, I think, in this view, this episode will give insight into why that phrase, just focus on Jesus has been both intentionally and unintentionally harmful in some ways. And then, lastly, what I just what I know what's gonna happen from this, because I know how, you know, I know how the story ends, is I also want to, like offer a pathway forward. Like offer hope, there is at the at the end of this wrestling, there, there is hope. And I think that what I offer will provide understanding for the confused, you know, those who are hearing me say, I've had a complex relationship, I've had some inner, you know, some some turmoil around that phrasing, just focus on Jesus, and you may be going, I'm confused, you know, and I'm partially thinking about like, maybe this episode is not for me, but no like this, this episode of that's us gonna provide understanding. But then I also think for other people, if you've had any of some of the same like, wrestling's or thoughts, I think it will be like this, like healing balm for you. And so ultimately, the goal of this episode is understanding for the confused and medication for the broken. So if either one of those if you like, either one of those would be like, great, and I would be excited. If that was like your response to this episode. So I want to dive right into it. Um, last year, towards the end of last year, I was given this amazing opportunity to attend a retreat, a small, intimate retreat for leaders, just like people that have influence in various like ways and spears, for them to be deeply poured into deeply, just loved on an experience, like just rest and refreshment and I was needy of that exceptionally needy of that and felt like this retreat was a gift. It was a gift from God. And I still believe that way about this retreat, and I feel just deeply grateful for the overall experience that I had there. When I arrived at the retreat center, I was well, didn't mean basically to say, I knew this would pocket possibly happening though, so I didn't but basically, when I arrived at the retreat center, I was faced with the reality that I was the only black person there while I was the only minority participant. So when I arrived at the retreat center, I was very glaringly aware of the reality that I was the only black participant there. And so I, you know, I was aware of that, you know, was being welcomed into the room, people were nice, but I, you know, I'm aware that there's, there's there's no way really for me to not be. And I could feel some of the like, angst and wrestles kind of happening in my heart a little bit in my body and I'm like, okay, and even like, just the reality of like, Alright, there's certain, like temptations of thought that I have to be aware of. And even just acknowledge in order to really fully show up in that space, right? And so I'm just aware of like, okay, I see this, I notice, I am the I am the only minority here, I'm only African American. And, okay, I see this, and I'm like, God, I need this retreat. And I am even personally hoping of like, Lord like, helped us to not be a distraction from me being able to really get what I need from you in this time, like irregardless of their humaneness and ability to love me well or not, I need refreshment and rest from you. And so I'm like, God helped me to be able to get that from you. And overall, like I definitely was, but the second day of my time there were in this living room environment. And there's this call to worship by the leader. And I can't remember all in this moment of like what was said right beforehand, maybe it may have some implications into what started popping up in my heart, but the worst the the, the leader at the time, like calls everyone to, to worship, and to specifically fix their eyes, which is focused on Jesus. And so some people begin to stand I'm still seated in my chair, and the wrestling begins. And in this moment, I you know, I've become very glaringly aware of there's just some thoughts and some wrestling's that are coming bubbling up from the surface. And I'm going alright, God, here, this is here. This is I'm I'm gonna I'm having a hard time right now. I'm in full sincerity, worshiping with the with the women, the women in this room, in an honesty and informed truth is, you know, I'm having a hard time I'm wrestling. There's, there's thoughts there's some there's some questions in regards to are we truly, you know, like looking and focusing on the same Jesus, our values the same and there's and there's some questions in wrestling's because I'm going, man, God, this space is wonderful. This environment is wonderful. I love the intentionality and the care that's being demonstrated to us to these to these leaders in this room. But then I'm also going, I'm wrestling, and you know, and I'm a part of it, because I'm going man got how I don't, I don't know if I see spaces like this available for the most ostracize and disenfranchised and oppressed. And impoverished in our cities that need care and attention, and also valuing. And so I'm wrestling because I'm going, Jesus does focusing on you require that I ignore some of the pain and injustice in the world. That's ultimately one of the things that's coming up. And I'm wrestling, because I feel like I once again, I feel like I need to make a choice as to if I'm going to care about Jesus, if I'm going to love Jesus, or if I'm going to love people that I feel like have been hurt, harmed and unseen and unheard. You see, there's been some spaces that I've been in, where the language let's just focus on Jesus was used to silence conversations about racial trauma and injustice. There's been moments that I've stepped into, or spaces that I've been I've been a part of where it's felt like that phrasing was used to intentionally stir attention away from hard conversations or uncomfortable conversations. Where it's been this belittlement of pain. And really, I think it's resulted in like this like disembodied faith. I was faced with that all of that was coming back to the forefront of my mind and heart just from her in that moment. Bless her heart she made the you know, she'd be totally oblivious to any and all of this and had and I don't think had any in that moment at any time. malice intended when she said, Let's just focus on Jesus, but then but it was just coming up, all of it was coming up in that moment in this time, because there's been spaces where there's been a, a bias around how we're to just focus on Jesus. And what's dangerous about that is that it's been unnamed, but it's been expected. And I think the people in the room, some people in the room, or at least I can speak from my own experience, that that expectation left me, I felt it for one, whether it was intentional of the person using that language to intentionally redirect from conversations about racial trauma or injustice, or whether it was unintentional, because of that, you know, person really having like, no malice intended at all or unintentional, but just resulting from their own anxiety around those conversations, or just desire to control and keep the peace, right. But nonetheless, like that expectation, the on expressed expectation of what it looks like to just focus on Jesus. But that's like implied, left me with some internalized narratives that were painful, and did damage to my relationship with Christ. See, what I began to internalize over the last summer years was like, and even, you know, before even going a little further back, but just that my struggles as a, as a black woman, were relevant to God. My problem was my problem or my, you know, the community I was a part of, as like was their problems, were not relevant to God. And that in order to be a good and faithful Christian, I needed to ignore that pain. One of our very human responses to the brokenness in pain in the world is that we, we lean, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we lean towards division, or homogeneity. Like we, we come with these assumptions, we think, like looking at Jesus to look the same. And it causes harm. We think like, it's got to look like the way I'm looking at Jesus. We assume I think, ultimately, it's coming from this place of like, we're wanting healing. You know, we're ultimately wanting restoration. But we assume that healing for division is sameness. And it's not. You know, like the solution for division is not sameness, there is the possibility for unity and diversity. There was two things happening in my heart, in response to her saying, just focus on Jesus colliding in that living room was experiences that experiences that I had with people that were using that language for harm, and that those spaces were needing were in need of healing. And then there were spaces of experiencing that language with people that didn't have no intent of harm. But they too are like me fragile in this world. And in in their quest for wholeness in their quest for healing. They advocated for sameness, which ultimately resulted in more division. They've advocated, you know, they've said, Let's just look at Jesus and unintentionally, we're also saying, and looking at Jesus looks like this. It looks the way I'm looking at Jesus model. Me can only be like, like, it looks like the way I'm looking at him. And it causes harm, it has damage. See, we assume that healing for division is sameness and it's not. A solution for division is not sameness. It is possible for there to be unity and rich and beautiful diversity. And when we assume otherwise, we create fractures in the hearts and in communities. We, when we're on when we quest for sameness, we're results is a false and weak unity. That is actually a breeding ground for division and an unintentionally wounds. That's what was happening in my heart. And I was finding it hard to worship in that space, I was finding it hard to experience unity in that space. Because what I was internalizing what I really was internalizing was, I'm separate, or they're separate. We've got different stories. Because there's things that are happening in me, there's reflections that are happening me there's pain that's happening in me, that seems like it's got to stay shut out in order for me to be a part. And so it breeds distrust anxiety. And I'm going, Are we worshiping the same Jesus? That then it's got it had me beginning to question the integrity and relevance of Christ. Because I'm going, God, if, if this pain is separate, then I'm wondering, Okay, do you not see those without resources? Do you not see those that are hurting, that are oppressed, that are unseen, instead of acknowledging, experiencing the truth, that God's divine compassion and intervention, and His plan for restoration does intersect with our stories. And it actually intertwines us and connects us. We aren't separate. But some of the ways that we have responded to pain to brokenness in the earth to injustice to to harm, has further inflicted wounds. But here's where I want to pivot and shift to the hope to what was deeply refreshing is like I said, I'm, I was sitting in that living room, and I'm wrestling with all these things, right. And then I, as I'm talking, I'm talking to Jesus, I'm going and I see everyone else is standing up, and their hands, big and raised in their, in their, in their belly and went out praise and worship. And thankfully, in that moment, I didn't feel the pressure to just are I will let me stand up and raise my hand. So I look like I'm unified. So I look like I'm a participant, because I'm not gonna lie, there was a little bit of me like that. I can't be like, I'm the only black person here. I can't be like, dang, one black girl is out here. Not trying to worship the Lord. So I'm like, dealing with a little bit of it. But I'm thankful that in that moment, I chose to not like I'm not where they're at. I'm not, I'm not doing what they're doing. I got some things I got to work through with the Lord. And I'm not going to respond to that pressure narrative right now. And so I'm sitting there with God, and I'm like, Jesus, you, you got to talk to me, I'm struggling. She's saying, let's just focus on you. But I'm wondering who is that that we're focusing on? Who is you got to re anchor me in truth? You know, like, who are you? Who am Who are my eyes focusing on right now we're fixing on right now. You got to help me here so that I can worship you, because I'm struggling. And so, so beautifully. I don't even know how I got to it. But what I ended up turning to is John five, I think I probably had an assumption of like, Alright, I'm gonna go to the Gospels, because somewhere in the gospels, but outside of that, I think I just flipped to a page. I'm not sure. I don't know why I landed there. But I land in John five. And John five is where we come to the story of the crippled man, at the pool of Bethesda. You see, this man had been crippled for 38 years. And he'd been sitting at the school or laying down at this pool. And every time this water stirred, there was this, you know, their stories had been being told around him, that like, hey, at this pool, there's an opportunity for healing. There's an opportunity for freedom, but if you can just get yourself to into the pool, if you can just be one of the first ones in the pool. But he was completely paralyzed. And he and, and every time this water Stirred, he was reminded of his need, but also his powerlessness. So I come to this story. And I just start reading. I just start reading from from verse one. Where you know, and I sleep just for reference, because this was the Bible. This is the translation that I had with me and I'm so glad I had it. But it was the FNV which is the First Nations version. It's an indigenous translation of the New Testament. And so if you're I'm going to read from that right now, but I start reading. And it says, A short time later Creator sets free Jesus went ahead to the village of peace, Jerusalem, to another traditional feast for all the tribes of wrestles with creator Israel. In the village of peace, Jerusalem, near the sheep gate, there is a waterhole with five covered porches called House of kindness, Bethesda in our tribal language. Under these porches lay a great number of people who were sick blind, or could not walk or stand. They were waiting for the swirling of the water because from time to time, a spirit messenger would go down into the waterhole and make the water swirl. And then the first one to get into the water would be healed. A man was there who had been ill for 38 winters, Creator sets free Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been sick for a long time. I got to this very next line, which says like he asked him, Jesus, do you want to be healed? I got to verse seven. I didn't even get a chance to finish to read the whole line. I'll stop where I stopped then. And I broke down weeping in that living room. His response to Jesus question of do you want to be healed in verse seven was honored one, the man answered, when the water stirs? There is no one. I paused, I read that I just my eyes see, there is no one. And I just broke down, weeping. Because in that moment, I was reminded

Unknown: 22:00

why it was why why I was to look at Jesus. In that moment, I went, Oh, this is the person that I'm looking at.

Gabrielle Leonard: 22:13

This, this, this one who woulda knew exactly. Who knew that man's name who knew where he was? He knew that he was a man without power. A man without strength. I mean, literally, that verse in verse three, when it when it's talking about there being a great number of sick, blind and paralyze. The Greek word that's used to define the people literally means to be weak, feeble, be without strength, powerless. Some, I'm picturing in this moment, Jesus. My eyes are fixing on, on, on Christ here standing over this man looking at him. This one with total power, and authority, wielding his power to offer hope, restoration, and literally elevation, elevating him from his place of brokenness and bondage to a place of healing and wholeness. And I'm weeping. And I'm filled with awe and wonder again, and also conviction because I'm going yeah, you are worthy of my worship. And yeah, like, I like it just just convicted. Because I also hear I also in this, like, I'm hearing, Jesus challenged me back and be like, oh, oh, I care about the poor. The marginalize the socially afflicted, the criminal law, the criminalized and the oppressed. Like, my vision is not only restored, but I hear Jesus correcting me, or making a case for himself and saying, like, No, I do, this is who I am. I do care here, and I am moving. And just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening. And I'm encouraged. And there's all in wonder that's restored to my heart in that moment. As I see Jesus, restoring a man without power, and without strength. And I'm just weeping there, and I'm an all as I just internalize the truth, and shed away some of the things that I internalized about Christ, from man's own brokenness. In my own brokenness, that was false. You see, what's interesting, though, story's not over. That. Does kind of tie in to what I've been talking about is, I remember there was a lady that came over to me while I'm at my face and weeping, like I said, everyone else was standing up and they were worshipping their hands were raised. And there was an excitement and zeal in the room. And this woman came up to me one of the one of the leaders, and in the middle of my weeping over the chair, are like, Oh, she didn't see my face, you know, in her defense, but she, she taps me on the shoulder. And I look up confused a little bit in the days of what was about to happen was going on. And she says, will you worship with me? Will you worship with me? And there's this impulse, there was this implication in her invitation of like, it basically like of like, I'm not, hey, like, will you worship now? Like, hey, like, Hey, look at how I'm worshiping, right? Well, we've just been talking about, look at how I'm worshiping, hey, come and worship with me. And I just looked at her and I smiled, and I said, I am and I pointed at the book, but then the word that was in front of me, I was reading the word and, and I pointed down, I said, with, you know, with the tears that are literally streaming down my face, and I just said, I am worshiping right now. I am worshiping right now. I think there's, there's a couple of needs. There's a two crucial needs that we have in our church communities, they in our faith, as is, as expressed together and in separate and separately in. And one of those is we we must practice, inquiry and reflection. The second is that there is a deep need for diversity of posture in worship in practice. First, that that first one, inquiry or asking questions, and reflection. From that experience, I've realized just how important it is for us to frequently ask the question, Who do I say Jesus is? I'm just thinking about how like Jesus asked that question of his disciples. They've been walking with him. And he asked them the question, Who do you say that I am? There was so many narratives swirling around about Christ, while Christ was with them all. And even he had to check in with his disciples. Even he offered an inquiry he offered a question for them to, to think about and answer honestly, like, Who do you say that I am? That question is still relevant and crucially important for us to reflect on. Who do we say Jesus is? I had to reflect on it in order to, to worship in order to focus on Jesus. And I think we who call people's attention to Christ, need to reflect on that question as well of Like, who do we say Jesus is? And also a second question of what do we think distracts us from Jesus? Like, is it is it conflict? Is it difficult situations? We have to ask ourselves the question, when we redirect people to Christ, is it for their benefit? Or is it for our own? Is it because we're uncomfortable about how they're relating to Christ about are we uncomfortable about their wrestles about their questions about their frustration about their disillusionment, or pain or anger? Are we uncomfortable? And are we seeking to pacify or control or keep certain things at distance? Or are we redirecting them? Is the intention and motive of our heart to truly redirect them towards Christ for their benefit? So think we ask them that question of is it for their benefit or mine? We'll go about redirection in a different way. You got to ask ourselves that, you know, am I avoiding pain? Do I ever tell myself even just the things you talk to yourself? Do you ever say like, gosh, I need to focus on Jesus. And yes, the the phrase itself is, is is neutral or even I'd say like true, like, Yes, it's good focus on Jesus. But what? What is motivating that what's driving it? Are you are you trying to avoid pain? Do you feel like your pain is separate from Christ? Are you trying to avoid repentance? Is there something that you're being challenged by? Or you know, possibly to wrestle with? But in order to not do so just like average, let's just focus on Jesus. And then last week, there's this need this other question that comes up in my heart is like, man, like, are we separating, asking yourself like, am I separating myself from those? I'm actually called to be connected to like, is there any way that like, I'm I'm like separating myself from the very people that I've been called to be present with, present in their pain. And I might unintentionally using the language, let's just focus on Jesus as a cop out or a way to reroute around the very thing that's ailing the people that I'm called to serve and care about, that Jesus cared about. And then there's this the in the convention, it's crucial need of we have got to have more diversity of posture and worship. Bless her heart, that woman I know, she wasn't mean anything by that. But it just felt like Man, this is a teachable moment here. Even just in that, that lady's response, that woman's invitation to me, to worship with her, I am certainly sure that it was man it was meant in the not in any intentionally harmful ways. He genuinely was like, let me help this girl enter in, let me help her worship. But she didn't realize I was and that ultimately, there's a diverse posture of worship, and we need that can that can happen and we need more environments in which the and is demonstrated. We're fixing our eyes on Jesus can look like developing affordable housing for underserved and intentionally neglected communities. externalizing Jesus can look like contemplative prayer, peace and silence, or demonstrative zeal and joy. fixing our eyes on Jesus can look like sorrow and questioning and frustration, and disillusionment, this this, this wrestle intention, but it can also look like deep conviction and hope, the solution to our pain, that we are all experiencing the symptoms of division, and we're experiencing the solution to our pain and division that we're experiencing right now isn't more silos and echo chambers of our own thoughts and practices. It's not the solution. We've got to wrestle towards another way. And embracing the end is a part of that. This like inquiry, or questions? These questions are the practice of questions and reflection is necessary. And also like the man, the the healing balm of like being in proximity of diversity, of pasture in worship, diversity of practice, when it comes to looking at Jesus verse is so necessary and needed. It is healing, it is medication. And I am deeply grateful for the case Christ made for himself when I gave him the opportunity to do so. When I did wrestle, I'm grateful that I didn't just step into worshiping, like everyone else was worshiping. I'm grateful that I didn't look at Jesus, the way everyone else was looking at Jesus. Because there was hidden treasure in the wrestle. And when I wrestled, and the picture of Christ got even more beautiful, expanded, increase in His richness in in in depth, and I was humbled, humbled, and in awe. And I think there's, there's opportunity still opportunity for us, for us all to be humbled and in awe by looking at Jesus. If you're hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode. And for that, I am deeply grateful. I hope this episode resonated with you and if it did help us out by sharing this episode, and leaving a review on Apple, podcasts, and Spotify. Most importantly, reach out to let me know how you're engaging with this episode, and what topics you'd like to see covered in the future. You can connect with us on social media, or get in touch with me directly at Gabrielle at return to joy.com to share your heart. I'll see you in two weeks for a new episode.